


Real Genius

by NegativNein



Series: Until the End of the World [5]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, Mad Science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 16:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11490441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativNein/pseuds/NegativNein
Summary: Reed Richards to the rescue!





	Real Genius

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Enjoy!

"You did _what??_ "

"I may have, inadvertently, uh... reset it?"

"But why?"

"I, ah... it's a bit... I didn't think it would do that... I just... I was..."

"Clark, Kal, Superman, Abs of Steel... calm down. Just tell me what you were trying to do. Did you mean to wipe out our little BRAINIAC, the Kryptonian AI?"

"No! I was just trying to load up the Jor-El simulation. I found it in the data banks and... I just wanted to talk to it. Him. My father."

Tony sighed, his expression turning from betrayed to understanding: "OK, so you wanted to talk to your dad. I see. I can understand that. But I don't see any simulation running now... what gives?"

"I don't know. Something went wrong, BRAINAIC tried to delete the Jor-El simulation while it was loading... and then the Jor-El sim invoked some emergency routine that turned off BRAINIAC... and now I don't know what to do! I'm sorry, Tony, so sorry!"

"Put that pout away, kid - I'll see what I can do to reboot the Jor-El sim first, so you can have your chat with dear old Space Dad. And then we'll see what happened to our little BRAINIAC."

"Thank you, Tony!"

"Don't thank me yet - and stop smiling like that, gee, your teeth are annoyingly perfect, has anyone told you? - Don't thank me kid, you're in charge of telling Bruce and Diana about this last hiccup while I work."

"Bruce _and_ Diana?"

"That's right kid! Be afraid. Be very afraid."

*

"You were in grave danger, Tony Stark"

Tony jumped at the deep voice: "Shit! It worked! Wait, what? You're Jor-El, right?"

The grey 3D figure inclined its head in a regal nod: "I am Jor-El of Krypton, or what remains of him. I am pleased that my son recalled me into being, for I was able to prevent a grave injustice being perpetrated on your person."

"I'm not following, what injustice? What danger? What happened to BRAINIAC?"

"BRAINIAC was a rogue Kryptonian bent on world domination. When his defeat was imminent, he created several sim copies of himself and uploaded them on our research ships, so that he could pursue his nefarious plans all over the cosmos. Not all copies were found in time. This was one such copy. As this ship is too compromised for effective world domination, BRAINIAC had planned to replace your consciousness with his and take over your body, after enticing you with an offer of healing."

Tony felt his knees go weak - good thing he was already sitting down on his wheelchair - well, not good, obviously, but... he drew a shaky, pained breath: "Oh, goody, another rogue AI bent on world domination - that seems to be a theme, lately. I guess I owe you one, old man. Anything I can do for you? Repairs? Disk space? A call to your pride and joy?"

"I would like to speak to my son, yes. But you have incurred no debt - while dormant, I was able to observe the situation, and I can see that my son is fond of you. There are no accounts to be balanced within a family, we just give freely to those we care for. I would like to extend that offer of healing to you now, without any attempt at consciousness transfer."

"Uuuuh, well, I... I like him too, he's a good kid. A real good kid. You should be proud. But I'm... well, I'm engaged to somebody else. So not really free for family bonding, free giving, and all that. I'll get back to you about the healing thing, OK? Not now, I... I must go now."

"No need to run, Tony Stark. I understand. And I commend you for your loyalty to your betrothed. But I urge you to reconsider about the healing: you will need all your strength to face Darkseid and his minions."

"Thanos. Thanos and his minions."

"Darkseid. I sense his foul gaze on this planet."

"Oh, shit."

*

Tony rolled back into the control room, barely keeping a lid on his panic: "There's two of them."

Bruce moved to comfort Tony - he looked scarily out of breath, and just one wrong word away from a panic attack. "Breathe, Tony. Two of what?"

Tony exhaled and bent to rest his head on Bruce's hip "Two alien invasions. Thanos and something called Darkseid. Clark's dad just told me. We're doomed."

Bruce frowned - that would tie in all too clearly with his dark dreams. Quick action was paramount. "Clark, Diana, go speak with Jor-El and get some intel on this new threat."

After they left, Bruce knelt down to gently caress Tony's face: "What else happened? The AI?"

Tony focused on Bruce, and took control of his own breathing: "BRAINIAC was apparently another rogue AI bent on world domination. It wanted to make a little meat puppet of me. You don't know what I almost unleashed on us all, Bruce. If Clark had not decided to talk to his dad... I can't think about it, I'll go mad. Rogers was right, I cannot be trusted. I'm a danger."

Bruce kissed him, angrily "Do not speak of that man. Now, let's approach this rationally: you're not easily fooled, and you're wary about AI since that witch made you build Ultron, so how would this BRAINIAC have taken control of you?"

"Jor-El said it would have offered me a chance to be healed."

"And would you have taken it?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I hate this, I hate that they reduced me to this husk who cannot even breathe, nor walk ten steps without tremors. I am pathetic, Bruce. I don't want to be pathetic."

"But?"

"...but I'm tired of unwanted body modifications, of being put through pain no man should endure just to keep being useful. I'm tired. So no, I would not have taken the healing. Jor-El offered it now, free of side effects, and I almost ran out of the room. In my wheelchair."

"You're not pathetic, Tony. You're the strongest man I know. And you don't have to be useful, you can just be you, and that will be enough for all of us."

"But two alien invasions, Bruce! And with our luck, they'll come at the same time. The Earth might as well not be there, that'll be the end result anyway. I cannot protect us with just a fleet of tie fighters. It's not enough."

Bruce's brain had caught the seed of an idea, however, and he looked Tony right in the eye, his own brimming with intelligence: "The Earth might as well not be there..."

Tony looked back, all caught up: "A three way dimensional portal!"

Bruce finished: "And they'll destroy each other!"

Tony beamed: "Richards, we need Richards!"

*

It worked.

Mad as it was, it worked.

Richards sketched out the portal's theoretical makeup, Jor-El offered information on the kryptonian Phantom Zone prison as an example of the theory's practical application, and Tony built the device.

When the tie fighters advanced patrols reported sightings of the two armies - arriving almost at the same time, just as Tony had predicted - Superman brought the device outside Earth's orbit and activated it. And lo, the two alien armies were forever trapped in a closed portal, with nothing to do but duke it out between themselves.

*

The Ex-Vengers looked at the celebration around them, not joining in. Sure, it was nice not being annihilated, but something was definitely missing. No one was looking at them, for one thing. Or thanking them for being the saviours of humanity. A couple of eggheads had carried the day. It was unbelievable.

"They didn't need us."

"What do we do now?"

Rogers looked at his team, lost and without purpose. They needed his leadership, now more than ever. Chin up, he offered them command and hope: "Now we go get our team back, Avengers!"

*

Tony, Bruce and the whole Justice League, along with the Fantastic Four and intrepid Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane were celebrating inside the kryptonian spaceship. The airborne, perfectly functional kryptonian spaceship. Tony had found time to repair it, so that his friends would have an escape route if Plan A failed. Thankfully, it wasn't needed, and the JLI now had what amounted to the world's coolest party yacht, basically. It came in handy for the 'We Didn't Die' impromptu party, at any rate.

Jor-El spoke up: "Tony Stark, I would like to offer you again the services of my healing chamber. Your world is safe now, and you should have time to enjoy your days with your beloved without pain. I promise on the honour of House El of Krypton that no hurt shall accrue to you if you choose to undergo this healing procedure."

Tony smiled from his seat on Bruce's lap: "Thank you, old man. I accept."

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback, please please please?  
> I know I cheated my way out of my own plot, but now that the pesky alien invasion business is over, we can concentrate on Batman vs The Ex-Vengers, right?


End file.
